Saturday, April 20, 2013

So when are YOU going to have another?

Can I get all personal for a moment? It is no secret my little is not so little anymore. He turned four in November. It seems impossible to turn four the day after you are born, but he managed it somehow.

Logan goes to a lot of activities: tumbling, a nature preschool, story times, and play dates. You name it, this kid usually loves to do it. I've made lots of mommy and daddy friends through these classes. Most of my friends, who I met when Logan was a baby, are now parents of two or even three. There are a couple of friends who have decided to stop at just one. They seem sure that their families are complete. Most of them know that I would like more children. So needless to say, I often get asked by family, friends, even complete strangers, "So when are you going to have another one?" 

I am completely in love with my child. He was the very best gift I have ever been given. I adore being a mother, his mother. I am truly blessed. I know this. And I want another baby. I want Logan to have siblings and experience that special relationship. I love seeing all my friends with their new babies. New babies whom I love so very much. I am happy for them, AND I want that too. 

After I had Logan, I went through a very serious bout of postpartum anxiety. One which I really never recovered fully from. I am much better now than I was, but it has never completely gone away. At first, I just sought out therapy, but it wasn't working. All the visualizations and thought stopping in the world was not effective. I finally gave in when I thought I was having a heart attack. It was actually severe anxiety, and I knew despite my ability to keep up happy appearances while my son was awake, I had to do something. I decided to try medication, and since that decision  I have tried lots of different kinds. Some had serious side effects for me; some did not work. I am currently on one that kind of works most days. This combined with therapy has been a very positive change in my life. However, all of this stress and medication changes have left me heavier than I have ever been, and my hormones completely out of whack. Therefore, as you can imagine, after many many visits to my ob, it has been determined that having a little one will not be as easy as I wish it could be.

I am hopeful that I will have another child. It might just be a longer journey to get there. So the answer to the question is hopefully soon. In the meantime, I have been soaking in every single moment I have as a family of three. I am cherishing the moments when it is just my special little kiddo and me. I am appreciative. I am grateful. And I am so very much in love. 

Friday, April 19, 2013

Giving the Kids the Camera

I know that I have been quiet lately. It isn't because we haven't been having fun or playing. We have. Lots. The kind where  you look at your kid at the end of the day and see their faces smudged with dirt, and paint on their clothes, and that you kind of look the same way, kind of fun. 

While we are out there doing all of this, I occasionally take pictures. But every once in a while, I let Logan have the camera. I love to see what he finds picture-worthy. Here are just some of the pictures that he took one sunny spring morning. 

His sensory bin of shredded paper, bugs, and bug catching supplies. 

Scout, one of our indoor cats enjoying the sunshine. 

His fairy garden from last year was the perfect spot to release his insects. 

Smudge, our other indoor kitty. He adores his pets. 

I was in there too, unfortunately I was moving at the time when he took it and I look like a scary blurry object. He looked at the picture and shrieked with laughter, "What happened to you?" See? Fun was had by all. 

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Easter 2013

I have always loved holidays. All of them. I am always looking for a reason to celebrate. When I look back at my childhood and think about holidays they always felt special and magical. I hope to recreate that for my little guy. 

It can be as simple as bunny tail pancakes for Easter. A little sprinkle thief got to the plate before I could snap a picture. 

This year, Logan was very excited for Easter. He had been to egg hunts so he was ready to find some eggs when he woke up very early Easter morning. Every time he found an egg, he would gasp in excitement. He did this sixty-two times. I know because we counted the eggs the night before. Then he would look inside to see what treats were inside. The bunny filled most of the eggs with jelly beans and mini eggs. The bunny must know that mini eggs are really loved at our house. 

My grandmother lives out of state, and Logan wanted to take this special picture for his great-grandma so she could see the egg he made for her. She is quite the expert on her iPad, so we enjoy keeping in touch through that since we can't see her everyday. 

As far as Easter baskets go, this year was a particularly good one. The bunny brought two bunny related books, a bit of candy, bubble wands, some My Little Pony stuff (his fav), and a stepping stone kit. And then he was able to go to my inlaws who had another Easter basket waiting for him with his much anticipated Crocs. I foresee an autumn spent trying to get him to wear normal shoes again before it snows. 

As for his Easter outfit, he pretty much told everyone and anyone about it before Easter itself. He had picked out a pink plaid shirt and gray skinny jeans to wear. He found them in the store, and he was so happy to see his very favorite color available in the new spring line of boys clothes! I had to stop him from throwing every pink boy's shirt in the shopping cart! He looked quite dashing in his outfit. He has worn it numerous times since then. 

He rounded out his day playing with two of his cousins. Honestly, this may be my little Logan's very best Easter yet. 

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