Surprise!

I just realized that it was two years ago today that I found out that I was pregnant.

15 months

Dear Bugga Bugga Baby,

You are fifteen months old. I had intended to write one of these every month of your life, but I was too busy living my life with you to actually follow through every month. I would much rather smell your freshly shampooed head, or watch you finger paint, or even snuggle on the couch and watch television with you. I blinked my eyes, and in a split second, you have somehow managed to be with us for fifteen months.

Truth be told, I can't really remember what my life was like without you. And even if I could, I wouldn't want to anyway. I feel as though you have been with us forever. These past fifteen months have been the most wonderful of my life. You have such a gigantic personality. You make your mama laugh all of the time. It is so special to me to watch you develop your sense of humor. When you think something is really funny, your whole body becomes engulfed in your giggles. You can be so goofy sometimes that we both just sit there looking at each other, cracking up. Those are some of my favorite times. They will be the times that I remember for the rest of my life.

Despite your almost always sunshine-y demeanor, sometimes you are shy. You'll press your face against me when you meet new people. You have recently stopped using your signs, and have begun to use words instead, although you go back to signs if you are around someone new. It makes me feel wonderful to know that you feel safe and protected when you are with me.

This month you have started to do so many new things. You are able to point out all different body parts. I'm not just talking about eyes, nose, and mouth. Somewhere along the line you have figured out hand, feet, toes, chin, cheek, eyebrow, forehead, hair, and ears. Sometimes at night, when we are cuddling, you will say, "Nose, nose, nose, Mama" while dreamily tickling my nose. I will tickle your face back and you'll sleepily chuckle and rest your hand on my cheek.

Most notably, and surprisingly, you have learned to identify the letters "e" and "o." Wherever we go, you love to point out these letters. I don't know where you learned this, but you are so proud of yourself. The other day you were looking at Goodnight Moon, which is of your favorite books. You looked up delighted with your chubby little finger pointing to the o in goodnight, and said, "Mama, O!" The amazement on your face must have matched mine. I have a hunch that you will always amaze me.

Love always,

Mama

Learning to cook

When I got laid off from my job, I thought about all the time that I would have to focus on "those things." Those things being the things that I imagined I would spend my time doing if I didn't have to work. Things like organizing my closets and working out everyday. What I didn't count on was my then immobile baby suddenly becoming mobile, going down to one nap a day, and demanding my constant undivided attention. You know, the things that babies do when they start to toddle towards toddler-hood. Plus kissing my sweet little baby is a lot more amazing than cleaning out the sock drawer. Needless to say all of that was much better and more fun, so I didn't end up crossing items off my imaginary list with the type of relish that I had previously envisioned. I did read all the Twilight series though. And catch up on all my recorded shows on my DVR. As you can see, I utilize my time wonderfully while the little one naps.

But I suppose, I must give myself some credit. On the very top of that list was learning to cook. Mock if you will, but prior to this, my list of things that I could cook was very short. Two things short. 1. Pasta and 2. sandwiches. If I wanted to actually make myself look better, we could allow that both of these can manifest themselves in many ways, so I actually could cook many things. Of course, then I would have to remind myself that sandwiches are, ahem, not exactly considered cooking. So on this time off, I have started slowly adding to my cookbook. My favorite for a dinner is using the crock pot, which is almost always a surefire way to cook meat into some sort of texture that Bugga will actually eat. With each success has blossomed a new found love of cooking for the people that I love. My ultimate favorite is baking from scratch. Yummy, sinful goodness that often involves chocolate. If I could I would bake all day. But then I have to remind myself about #1 on my imaginary list: Lose weight. So I usually just settle for once a week. Or maybe twice.

Just in

A moment ago, Bug ran over to me and rested his head on my knee. And then my heart melted.

So long 2009

So. 2009. Is gone. How do I feel about it? Eh. I know I am so eloquent today, right? 2009 had its fair share of ups and downs. Mostly downs, with the exception of Bug. He is always an up. But really when I think about it, I'm not particularly sad that oh-nine is over. 2009 saw a great deal of unemployment for us. Meaning the husband and I both ended 2009, jobless. Here's to hoping that 2010 brings health and happiness to all!

Music I once loved

About a Girl by Nirvana

To say that I loved Nirvana through all of my teen years would be an understatement. I knew all of their songs. I would scour independent music stores for imports and b-sides. You know, what people used to do before internet downloading and Ipods. I remember when I stumbled upon them. The second I heard them, all of my Boys 2 Men, En Vogue, and many other groups I had once loved were retired. I became a music snob of all that was in the pop genre. Maybe it was because the singer was all..... angsty, just like my fourteen year old self, but I instantly recognized myself in the music somehow. This song in particular reminds me of Halloween circa 1996-ish. I was sitting in my basement in a rocking chair talking on the phone to my first "serious" boyfriend. It reminds me of red flannel jackets, the smell of cigarette smoke, secrets, bus rides, and the the dizzy feeling you get when you really like someone. When listening to any of their songs today, I realize that most of it doesn't make sense, but when it does...... Needless to say, that it still makes my heart happy whenever I turn on the radio and they are on.

Dear Santa, 2009 edition

It's time for what I want for Christmas!

1. A fancy digital camera. You know the one that doesn't have a delay. This one has been on the top of my list for approximately 4 years. I desperately want one, but I suspect it will be on top of my wish list again next year.

2. Money. Or a job for the husband. You know, the teach a guy to fish saying. What I'm saying is that we have BILLS.

3. Books. Someday I want a bookcase filled with wonderful books. I used to have 3, but now I'm down to zero. Or maybe a half if you count college text books about teaching. I don't. I am talking about the type that make you feel giddy after you finish them. Books whose stories and characters remain in your mind like they were people you once knew.

4. Wall stuff. Art, decor, picture frames. My walls are bare, and I'm becoming all domestic housewife. I want to make my house a home for the little one.

5. A new bedspread. The options are endless, but I am thinking something either blue or gray since I want to re-paint my bedroom one of these colors.

6. Crest White Strips, because as Hollywood tells us, you are only as sparkling as your teeth are white.

7. I also want the typical stuff. Clothes, socks, underwear, makeup. This is all the boring stuff that I need.

8. A finished basement. Or the supplies to finish a basement. Never in my life would I have ever imagined that I would ask for drywall, Spackle, and those cans for recessed lights, but here it is.

9. 30 day shred exercise DVD. For the obvious reason of course. Jillian Michaels.

There are a lot of things that I want. Being unemployed this past year though really made me put things into actual perspective. I don't need any of that stuff, with maybe the exception for socks since mine have been disappearing. Stuff is not what makes me happy. What I want most of all, is wonderful Christmas for my baby boy.