Music I once loved

About a Girl by Nirvana

To say that I loved Nirvana through all of my teen years would be an understatement. I knew all of their songs. I would scour independent music stores for imports and b-sides. You know, what people used to do before internet downloading and Ipods. I remember when I stumbled upon them. The second I heard them, all of my Boys 2 Men, En Vogue, and many other groups I had once loved were retired. I became a music snob of all that was in the pop genre. Maybe it was because the singer was all..... angsty, just like my fourteen year old self, but I instantly recognized myself in the music somehow. This song in particular reminds me of Halloween circa 1996-ish. I was sitting in my basement in a rocking chair talking on the phone to my first "serious" boyfriend. It reminds me of red flannel jackets, the smell of cigarette smoke, secrets, bus rides, and the the dizzy feeling you get when you really like someone. When listening to any of their songs today, I realize that most of it doesn't make sense, but when it does...... Needless to say, that it still makes my heart happy whenever I turn on the radio and they are on.

Dear Santa, 2009 edition

It's time for what I want for Christmas!

1. A fancy digital camera. You know the one that doesn't have a delay. This one has been on the top of my list for approximately 4 years. I desperately want one, but I suspect it will be on top of my wish list again next year.

2. Money. Or a job for the husband. You know, the teach a guy to fish saying. What I'm saying is that we have BILLS.

3. Books. Someday I want a bookcase filled with wonderful books. I used to have 3, but now I'm down to zero. Or maybe a half if you count college text books about teaching. I don't. I am talking about the type that make you feel giddy after you finish them. Books whose stories and characters remain in your mind like they were people you once knew.

4. Wall stuff. Art, decor, picture frames. My walls are bare, and I'm becoming all domestic housewife. I want to make my house a home for the little one.

5. A new bedspread. The options are endless, but I am thinking something either blue or gray since I want to re-paint my bedroom one of these colors.

6. Crest White Strips, because as Hollywood tells us, you are only as sparkling as your teeth are white.

7. I also want the typical stuff. Clothes, socks, underwear, makeup. This is all the boring stuff that I need.

8. A finished basement. Or the supplies to finish a basement. Never in my life would I have ever imagined that I would ask for drywall, Spackle, and those cans for recessed lights, but here it is.

9. 30 day shred exercise DVD. For the obvious reason of course. Jillian Michaels.

There are a lot of things that I want. Being unemployed this past year though really made me put things into actual perspective. I don't need any of that stuff, with maybe the exception for socks since mine have been disappearing. Stuff is not what makes me happy. What I want most of all, is wonderful Christmas for my baby boy.

Why I'm smiling

I love cooking dinner, but not really doing much work. I'm talking about the crock pot. I put a bunch of stuff in it, and it comes out yummy. In the meantime, I get to spend time playing with the baby. Tonight it is soft chicken tacos.

So why did you start this?

I feel like I owe the world of blogging an explanation. For just WHY? Maybe it is residual stuff from being a teacher and always being required to back up everything you do with data, and in this case reasons. A while ago, I started a blog. But that was sooooo 2005. I thought for a while about restarting that one, but it was too complicated to explain what had happened in those couple of years. A lot had happened in those couple of years. Plus it lead to a lot of deleting. Deleting of old entries that made me cringe or if shared certain people would say, "That is totally me that she is talking about." And while sometimes that might be flattering, in some cases, ahem, not so much. At least it would have been that way for me. I never really said anything bad about them, but it was more of a look into my innermost thoughts and my face might never be a normal shade around them ever again.

Anyway, reasons. I have many, rest assured. Back to 2005. I was finishing up college. I was starting grad school, which I finished, but along the way abandoned my blog in order to write about things like processing disorders and promoting social-emotional growth. For a while I worked as a teacher, which brings us up to last year when thanks to the economy, I was laid off. Ultimately, it sounds worse than it was. Secretly, I was a bit happy. I got to spend time with my yummy new baby without having to go back to work. I would cry everyday on the way to work when I dropped him off. It was terrible for me, so when I found myself looking at unemployment, I didn't get all those normal feelings you get. I look at this time as precious, but also an opportunity to regroup. To get back to doing things I love to do like write, although I am admittedly feeling quite rusty these days. I also hoped to learn to do some new things like cook, which is another blog for another day. So I am considering this as a type of experiment. A test of sorts. I'll see how it pans out, I guess.